|
|
|||||||||||||
From Her My Beloved, I can't stop thinking about this movie I saw last night. Their love seemed so true and so real - yet in the end, he shunned her and returned to his wife. Instead of two people in love it became he trying to do the right thing and she seemingly crazy with obsession. Why is it when one falls out of love the one left becomes, in the eyes of all, a pitiful, spiteful creature who can't let go? Who should blame her for going a bit mad? Why should her love be twisted into something piteous simply because the other no longer returns the affection? Should she, too, then be able to so easily let go - to forget their love as he has so simply done? What of love, then? She cried and became mad - taking it out on everyone around her. And she appeared to be nasty and fanatical - but how is one supposed to act when their love has suddenly up and fallen out of love with them?! Should she be sane, then? And if so, what of Love?? The movie upset me, and I suppose I couldn't have watched it at a worse time - right after that awful dream. And then I just cried, thinking of you falling out of love with me - and remembering that feeling - cold, alone, broken, lost, despair-ridden, empty, devastated, angry, mad - I was more acutely aware of my, no "our", fragile vulnerability wherein the other is concerned. And I, for the first time in a long time, was terrified of you and how very simply you could destroy me. Utterly. I'll not live again to see that look in another's eyes - the aggravation and contempt - beloved eyes dead of any love left for me! And I, unable to let go - straggling behind like some stupid, kicked puppy. I could not let go so easily. I was the stray he couldn't be rid of - the once loved yet now burdensome pet that had been dropped off on some road yet kept coming back. My love made me a fool - a pitiful, contemptuous and mad fool. It bared the weakest of my soul to the world - and the world, though it should, did not understand. And I was left alone with my dying heart - alone with the promises of "I'll always be there" ringing in my head and mocking me. And the heart grew cold, and did die. It was buried in a stone chamber, that was though to be impenetrable to protect it's cold and dead form. The head learned hurtful, yet valuable lessons. That promises were made to be broken, that true Love was never true, and trust was for the foolish - or as yet unmarred. And the body slowly slid back into the pantomimes of life - painfully and slowly forgetting loving caresses, warm cuddling and the pure act of making love. Yes, the entire body was reborn anew - colder, harder, and mistrustful. A broken being, but a being that had survived nonetheless. It played and picked at life with a cautious air, vowing to never let the tomb of its heart be opened again. Even the resurrected cannot survive a second death. Yet then, there you were. Breaking down my walls, stealing away the precious treasures entombed therein. Treasures made for another and thrown back - now lying useless. You brought them back to life. Once again the mind whirled alive with forgotten melodies - singing the chorus of love and life renewed. Again the body began to awaken and remember how it felt to be touched and adored. The rush of found love coursed through every vein and pumped life back into my dead heart - exposed now around crumbled stone walls. You have killed me as surely as if you had pierced my heart with a blade. You have broken me open, laid me out for the elements! A weak, naked and trusting child - ready for slaughter and staring up at her executioner with adoration in her eyes. I'd not see the blade swing for Love is Blind. You have become a part of me - an essential part - as necessary as the breath I take in to sustain my life. As vital as the blood that runs through my veins and pumps life into my heart. You constantly tell me this very story, in so many words, declaring that you would die if I were to leave you. How could I leave you, fool?! To do so would kill me as well! Don't you see that we are now forever bound to one another - we have embedded ourselves so deeply in the other that neither could survive without! As Cathy said to Heathcliff, "I love my murderer." As do I. Please don't fall out of love with me! Please don't throw me back into the cruel world to face it alone as if yesterday's paper! Love me...forever. Never break your promise to always be there! Please don't leave me alone with our Love. Always, S. - - | - Link Back -
From Him My Everything, It's quite the task at the moment trying to find the words to describe the bittersweet hell-haven feeling I'm currently experiencing because of two of the most beautiful pieces of paper I've yet to encounter! Was that all in one breath? Seriously, babe - you really did a number on me with this letter. I had to cover my face up with my blanket and quietly let 'em flow. What can I say, I love you MORE! As hard as that may be to fathom, it's nonetheless true. It's most definitely magic the way we read and feel each other from such distances. That's why I've no choice but to believe in US as complete and utter truth. I, too, couldn't possibly imagine life without you. Now that I'm aware of what I need to fulfuill, I'll NEVER allow you the comfort of such contentment as if I never even existed! You're stuck with me, as well, my Love...forever! This is the 2nd time you've mentioned marriage within the last few weeks. Are you okay? I REALLY LIKE that song, "Broken" by Seether. I've only heard it a couple of times, and I can feel you presence within its tune each time. Yes, my Beloved, I so forgive you. I was worried, and there were moments of a smidgen of doubt - but for the most part, you're right, I KNEW... I know what we have and it's not something that either one of us can truly control when it boils down to brass tacks. Your leaving me would be the death of us both and vise-versa, so why even attempt the fight any longer. True Love shall prevail over whatever we may shuffle or spit in its path. So as my Love for you shall be until my entity no longer exists amongst the forces of life, you ARE and forever shall be MY EVERYTHING! All yours, J. - - | - Link Back - |
|
||||||||||||
